A Message to Me

This past Saturday evening, at the end of a wonderful day, I was at a One Love concert at the Lancaster Metaphysical Chapel. For the last song/chant, everyone was asked to get up and form a circle around the room. I could tell they would be asking us to hold hands. The kids and I didn't know anyone else there. We had seen one familiar face earlier, but she was gone now. As we formed a circle, my thoughts were centered around isolating the kids, keeping them safe from strangers, and calming any anxiety they may be feeling. They have each had typical kid reactions to strangers in the past, and I expected hesitation in being asked to hold a stranger's hand. I was leading them to the edge of the room, with my daughter A (10 years old) behind me and my son J (13 years old) next to her. I obviously couldn't isolate both of them and wasn't sure where I would be best positioned. As we walked I realized I had the band's "lyrics sheet" in my hand. Instead of just setting it down or folding it into my pocket, I jokingly handed it to A to deal with. She similarly passed it along to J. But he got defensive and started bickering with his sister. That would be a huge distraction and potentially ruin the moment, so I stepped between them, took the sheet of paper back and put it in my pocket, and isolated them from each other.

At this point, it was time to close the circle and join hands. My trepidation concerning their reactions returned, and I realized now that I wasn't blocking either of them from a stranger - they each would have to hold hands with a stranger. As I looked to my left at J, he was looking to his left and holding out his hand to the older lady standing next to him. Awesome, no need for concern at all! When I looked to my right, A was already holding hands with the lady next to her. Wow! So I took my position confidently and proudly between my kids and held their hands.

The song was a version of the Gayatri Mantra. There were some spoken/chanted phrases in Hindi/Sanskrit that we weren't to worry about responding to or chanting with (this was a Kirtan concert). But a large section of this song was a chorus of the word "Hallelujah" repeated, which everyone sang along with.

As we sang Hallelujah, I closed my eyes and relished the moment. I was standing between my kids holding their hands as everyone sang. It was exactly where I should have been. I shouldn't have been on the edge to protect one of them after all - but right between them so we could share this moment. Never in a hundred years would I have opted for this arrangement, however. Without the distracting scuffle over the lyrics sheet, I would surely have been to one side. But it was time for me to experience this feeling, and so the Universe made sure I was able to.

"The next message is where you are when you hear the next message. Whenever you're ready you'll hear the next message.... Always there. Question is: Can you see it?" -- Ram Dass (in Be Here Now)

World Peace starts with Inner Peace

Someone said last night, "You can't even have a peaceful day at work, how can you expect world peace?"

This set me off on a series of thoughts that quickly lead to the conclusion that Inner Peace is the starting point for World Peace. (I know this isn't a new concept!) Flying across the world and lecturing combatants or leaders on having a peaceful mind would be ineffective. So what can I do as a lone individual separated from the incredible daily strife of countless beings on the planet?

I can be that happy person who always has a smile for someone else. And no fake grins here. I mean that feeling of internal happiness and joy and projecting feelings of compassion and cherishing to everyone I encounter. You have to start small and spread your positive light however you can. I can brighten someone else's day and bring them a little light as well. If enough of us do this, all individually and locally, eventually it grows. It has to grow and spread! Because if it doesn't, hate and fear will continue to destroy the planet and the countless lives who call it home. And while death isn't the end, an untimely death can certainly impede your spiritual journey.

The cycle of retaliation is a vicious one. If someone wrongs you, the ego mind slips easily into a negative state (often anger) and you retaliate. What good comes of this? Once you retaliate, they need to retaliate again, and it spirals badly out of control. But if you're able to keep a peaceful mind, you can see that the one who wronged you is actually in the position of a spiritual guide. Their negative actions towards you offers you an opportunity to practice, in "real life", the precepts you meditate on. It's easy to say that it would be wonderful if suffering ended for everyone - but you need to actually live it. There's no need to make them suffer more or to increase your suffering by retaliating and continuing the cycle. I'm speaking at a personal level, but this works at a national level as well. The current retaliatory war in the Middle East is just a continuation of the cycle. Even if the US and its allies are able to kill every single member of ISIL, what have we done? Nothing. It won't stabilize the region or address the core problems that are 10s or 100s or even 1000 years old. Another group will just rise up in its place. And in accord with an escalating spiral, they'll probably be even worse than the one we just ousted. Violence begets violence.

The only way is to stop the cycle. As an individual, there's only so much you can do - but you can do much. And it all starts with finding inner peace for yourself. Become that beacon of light in your circle of friends and watch the infection spread.

"World peace must develop from inner peace. Peace is not just mere absence of violence. Peace is, I think, the manifestation of human compassion." -- Dalai Lama XIV

New Job

I am about to kick off the final weekend before I start a new job on Monday. It's been an interesting month.

I am heading back to a software company where I worked a few years ago. I left for a culmination of reasons including stalled upward mobility and a distrust for a couple specific individuals in senior management. Those people have now moved on, and I'm returning in a different role. I have high expectations for my new position and am pretty excited. It was great logging on a few minutes ago to my new (old) Outlook account and confirming my MSDN subscription. It will be fun getting back into the software tools arena, especially on the sales side.

However, this is going to be a real job again. I was spoiled in many ways at my last job. I was kind of a go-to project guy, where I was pulled into projects that were either flailing or that nobody else had the expertise to drive. As a quick study, I was able to pull together a couple small miracles there. Yet I never really had to work that hard. When I was a Project Manager, I had to log my hours - but since I wasn't a consultant actually doing the work, my job was largely driving status meetings and sending emails. I rarely had 8 full hours of work to do on any given day, and so spent a lot of time early on learning about the products, the competition, and the industry. But in the end, I spent many long lunch hours playing internet tanks. Not a proud time period, although I still always got my work done.

I also had time for socialization -- some weekday partying kept me out literally all night. Rolling back to your home at 8 am stinking of cigarette smoke and fully dehydrated was no way to start the work day. It was fun, but again, not productive.

Reading time was welcomed as well. As any readers know, I spent a lot of time reading the Upanishads and other "new-age" texts. I've come a long way in that journey and am thankful for the time afforded me to discover it. I have hit something of a plateau there, but that's OK. I'm doing structured yoga and meditation classes and am better connected to the liberal/hippie/enlightened crowd in this podunk farm town.

My unemployment period was interesting. In two days, I had cleaned my entire townhouse -- including dismantling and vacuuming out the bathroom fan assemblies. A couple days of extreme boredom ensued, but I never went back to playing video games. I caught up on little TV/movies and had a lot of time for mid-day runs, reading, and discovering new music. By the end, the lack of daily structure was wearing on me - I lost a feel for the difference between weekdays and weekends, except for the time spent with my kiddos. When I retire, I know I'll need to find regular activities. I read an article recently on retirement communities in Florida, and I have to admit I look forward to those days (assuming I can afford it!).

With my new-found outlook on life, I am very much looking forward to a position that many would view as stressful. I am optimistic that my lessons will not be for naught! It will be good to travel more again - my Hilton status is still Blue and it's September! I usually hit Silver by February. Weekends will be a welcome change of pace again instead of just being a couple days where all my friends are off work too.

In the end, my frequency of posts here may decrease again. Or may change to the more work-based character they had years ago. But I still have a lot to say, so I'll still be here! I was working this morning around a concept that came to me the other day regarding the various faces people wear at different times in different situations. As I started to journal about it, it seemed a much more complicated issue than I initially gave it credit. As Mark Twain famously responded to a request for a 2 page article in 2 days: "No can do 2 pages two days. Can do 30 pages 2 days. Need 30 days to do 2 pages." A brain dump easy (hence this post), but a carefully crafted article takes time.

Until then, Be Here Now.

Thoughts on Compassion

Countless other beings are suffering.

Most are suffering worse than me.

It would be wonderful if we could all be free from suffering.

Or being sick, or poor, or in pain. Whatever the ill or strife, the saying works. Compassion for others. Yes, I may have pain. But so do countless others. And most of those others are worse off than I am. And here's the compassion part:  it's not about my pain, but everyone else's. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could all be free from pain?

I have quoted the Buddhist Second Noble Truth a few times - either in writing or to friends. The crux is that all suffering is related to uncontrolled desire. It's deeper, but that's enough to make the point. I generally skip over the First Noble Truth - that life is suffering. That you need to know suffering. When I first hit upon this, that one didn't click for me. Almost like an obvious preamble. Like in a mathematical proof that starts with "consider two line segments of equal length...". Got it - two line segments, nothing interesting there. Similarly, I figured "got it, there's suffering". Duh. 

But I realized last night there's more than that. We did a meditation exercise around compassion - where you go one step beyond cherishing others more than yourself, but to really care and wish for an end to their personal suffering. So picture a large flat field, or a big stadium, like Nascar that seats 100,000 people plus the infield and so many more. Drop yourself in the middle there and start filling it. The ideal goal is to picture yourself surrounded by all living beings (not just humans, but animals too) and then to collectively imagine an end to everyone's suffering. But start small - picture your immediate family and those you interact with every day around you. Feel their individual suffering - physical ailments, poverty, emotional hardship, whatever challenges you know they have or they may have. Now start expanding out. Add in friends of friends you met once, extended family of cousins and aunts and nephews. Add in work acquaintances. Keep going! All the people on the last plane flight you took. All the people you saw in the airport that day. All the people in your graduating class, all the people you saw on the beach last vacation, that couple you met from England and their whole town. Expand, expand, expand. And realize they all have suffering. Because we all do. That's part of life. First noble truth - to feel compassion, you have to really understand there's suffering. Now you've got everyone grouped around in this massive stadium. Now everyone looks up at the endless ever-changing sky, we take a deep breathe, and then let it go. All at once. Everyone. And with that breathe, goes their suffering. At that moment, everyone is free, totally free, from suffering. It's not really a thought, but a feeling. Standing as one with all living beings, and you're just there. No suffering. Grasp that feeling and hold it for as long as you can in meditation. When the stray thoughts pop in, recognize them as stray, shoo them off, and gather your beings again. Refocus, and exhale again. Wouldn't it be great if all living beings were free from suffering!

OK back to life. You've got your job, your tasks, your relationships and interactions. And we've all got suffering. Now what? That's where to choices and the paths come in. Someone at work is dealing with a tough issue. What do you do? You follow the path. You understand their suffering, you feel compassion for them, you feel with your gut that yes, this person is suffering - and it would be wonderful for them if that could end. That's the starting point. From there, you go with intention to help in whatever you can to minimize their pain, to help them overcome. Because wouldn't it be great if all living beings were free from suffering?

That leads into the Third Noble Truth and hopefully may blog post later!

Running to Ixtlan

Still off work, I went for a run this morning. At first it was a healthy jog, maybe 3-4 miles depending on how I felt. My pace was quick, and I was cruising along, so I decided to keep a harder pace for myself and see fast I'd run 2.0 miles. My 8th grade son just started Cross Country (XC) and at that age they run 2.0 miles, rather than 5k (3.2 miles). I've been working with him a bit over the summer, and he seems to enjoy it and be in decent running condition. But his times felt slow to me - he was mid-pack and doing fine, but I was comparing 2.0 times versus my mile times or XC times in High School. Not a fair comparison. So I ran today and logged 8:40 and 8:30 splits for 17:10. My 13 year old son ran 15:32 yesterday in his 3rd race ever. That little twig is faster than I thought! But I'll keep working on him, because he just needs a little experience now; he's got the talen. And for me, now I have a personal goal.

Anyway.... The reason why I sat down to write this today wasn't the babble above, proving how 30 years of abusing your body doesn't help your running pace!

 

While jogging along the path, I noticed something. This is a mostly paved walking path, 0.8 miles long. Parts of it is boardwalk type planks over wetlands. It's beautiful and just down the hill from my house. What I noticed was that I always run on the left side of the path. When someone approaches the other direction (today I crossed another runner and a young mom with a stroller) I move to the right, as expected in America. But then I find myself hugging the left shoulder again. Why?

 

"Why?" indeed. I thought on it for a couple seconds before an idea emerged and stuck, then was only further validated the more I thought about it. I couldn't even think of another reason, I got so mind-locked to this one.

Carlos Castaneda's Journey to Ixtlan: The Lessons of Don Juan was the focus. I've read this twice, and overdue for a review given my experiences the last few months. The first copy I read was misplaced, and my current copy just has a couple dog-eared pages and not my usual verbose underlining. So bear with me and forgive me for not finding the lines to quote directly.

He writes how your Death,  your Shadow, is always just over your left shoulder. How you must live your life fully and with full responsibility for your actions until you (as either a Hunter or a Warrior) feel the final tap of Death on your shoulder. And your Spirit is there to take you away to the next step on your journey. This has stuck with me since I first read this book (way too early in my mixed up path of enlightenment). I didn't grok a lot of the content back then. The second time was better. And now I find myself clicking with some parts of this book without having picked it up in at least 3 years.

Part of that lesson is in giving your full self to whatever you do. The teacher speaks of men never giving over themselves to any single task. They never fully invest. And the problem isn't just distractions or lack of will power. It's more that we're doing the wrong things. You cannot give yourself fully to your job. You are not your job. You cannot give yourself fully to any task - because that doesn't define you. It's all wrong. The only thing you can really, truly, give yourself to is Being. Being yourself. That's your job. That's it. Everything else then falls into place.

OK, I'm editorializing and expanding on Don Juan's lessons there. Even with different words and different stories, it all comes back to mindfulness and present moment awareness. Be Love. Be Here Now.

And make your Death jog in the grass

Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front by Wendell Berry

Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front
by Wendell Berry

Love the quick profit, the annual raise,
vacation with pay. Want more
of everything ready-made. Be afraid
to know your neighbors and to die.
And you will have a window in your head.
Not even your future will be a mystery
any more. Your mind will be punched in a card
and shut away in a little drawer.
When they want you to buy something
they will call you. When they want you
to die for profit they will let you know.

So, friends, every day do something
that won’t compute. Love the Lord.
Love the world. Work for nothing.
Take all that you have and be poor.
Love someone who does not deserve it.
Denounce the government and embrace
the flag. Hope to live in that free
republic for which it stands.
Give your approval to all you cannot
understand. Praise ignorance, for what man
has not encountered he has not destroyed.

Ask the questions that have no answers.
Invest in the millennium. Plant sequoias.
Say that your main crop is the forest
that you did not plant,
that you will not live to harvest.
Say that the leaves are harvested
when they have rotted into the mold.
Call that profit. Prophesy such returns.

Put your faith in the two inches of humus
that will build under the trees
every thousand years.
Listen to carrion – put your ear
close, and hear the faint chattering
of the songs that are to come.
Expect the end of the world. Laugh.
Laughter is immeasurable. Be joyful
though you have considered all the facts.
So long as women do not go cheap
for power, please women more than men.
Ask yourself: Will this satisfy
a woman satisfied to bear a child?
Will this disturb the sleep
of a woman near to giving birth?

Go with your love to the fields.
Lie down in the shade. Rest your head
in her lap. Swear allegiance
to what is nighest your thoughts.
As soon as the generals and the politicos
can predict the motions of your mind,
lose it. Leave it as a sign
to mark the false trail, the way
you didn't go. Be like the fox
who makes more tracks than necessary,
some in the wrong direction.
Practice resurrection.

Reading

I was hoping to post more on the Upanishads series, but I've been woefully distracted lately. Unemployment leaves one with lots of time, but I haven't felt like sitting in front of the computer lately. However, I have been working my way through several books. I can't recommend these books highly enough! I was going to link each, but I'm sure anyone capable of finding and reading this blog can navigate amazon.com.

• The Power of Now, A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment by Eckhart Tolle. Usually one of the first books people read when traveling down the spiritual path I've been discovering. As such, I haven't found it as ground-breaking as a new reader on the subject would, but ever chapter includes insightful commentary or new ways of looking at things. The Q/A format is a little distracting at times, but not a major hindrance.
• The True Believer, Thoughts on the Nature of Mass Movements by Eric Hoffer. I have learned a lot and am only half way through. Truly, I learned a ton in the first chapter. Some pieces are a little dated (the original text was published in 1951, just after the "Hitler decade"), but when you're discussing historical context, that's not a bad thing. I do wish some of the movements in the last half century were included as examples, but it's not hard to draw the parallels. It provides some great techniques to view and understand current events, from the Tea Party to ISIL. 
• Bhagavad Gita As It Is by His Divine Grace A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada. Following a very thorough introduction, this book presents the core of the ancient Indian Vedas verse by verse in the original Sanskirt, phonetically, word-by-word translation, English prose, and then a commentary on the meaning of the verse. Honestly, it's taxing to read both this and the Upanishads (which don't have the commentary) in the same day. While I do not currently identify as a Krishna Devotee, this volume is nonetheless well worth the time.
• A Storm of Swords by George R. R. Martin. The third book in the Game of Thrones series. This series would be a very difficult read if it weren't for the HBO series to allow me to link back and recall the plethora of characters. It's quite good, but I've always read more non-fiction than fiction, so this has taken a back seat for now. It's my "light reading" book ;-)

I've got a few more texts I intend to read soon that I just haven't gotten to yet.

• The Way of the Explorer by Dr. Edgar Mitchell. Dr. Mitchell was an astronaut on the Apollo 14 mission, and the sixth man to walk on the moon. During the mission he experienced savikalpa samadhi, and I want to know more of the details!
• The New Testament by various authors. Tolle includes many biblical quotes and anecdotes in his book, and I'd like to take a fresh look for myself. 
• Other books by Ram Dass and Richard Bach are on the list as well. TBD

Some day, maybe I'll read one book at a time, but I like the changing of gears throughout the day!