Ottawa Trip

I spent a few days in Canada this week. Taking a break from some of my more heartfelt serious posts lately, I'd like to post about some observations from my trip to Ottawa, Ontario. I was in town to visit the office of a company that my company acquired a year ago. They're just now getting integrated, and it's a product line I wasn't very familiar with, so welcomed the opportunity to learn directly from them face to face.

Units

Canada uses metric, and the US uses archaic imperial units. As an engineer and scientist, I am familiar with many metric units. That is, I know 30 degrees C is hot weather and I have a good feel for centimeters. I can do some conversions quickly; for example  F=2*C+30 roughly (good enough for non-scientific work) and 1 Gallon is a bit less than 4 Liters. That's great when you're in conversation, but I found my brain is securely fixed in imperial units.

When I hopped in the car Tuesday morning, the gal on the radio said the temperature was "minus 25". (oddly they don't say "negative 25" as we do in the States). I couldn't immediately translate this to F, but I knew it was DAMN COLD!

Extending on this, the next night the unitless forecast was "-20 and 2-4 of snow". In metric, this is pretty darn cold, but only a bit of snow (2.54 cm is an inch). But in imperial units, if it was -20F outside and  you're getting 2-4 inches of snow, it's a much worse world!

I had to refill the rental car with fuel on the way back to returning it. Gasoline costs about 1 CAD / Litre. I have absolutely no idea how much that really is. The CAD to USD conversion is close, but fluctuates, and I don't have a good feel at all. While I like the nice round number of $1/L, it felt fairly expensive to me at the time. Turns out, it's really close to current prices in the States, a bit under $US 3/gallon.

So I was entertained by my complete lack of real-world unit conversions between metric and my imperial-based brain. (Plus I really like writing the word Imperial since it makes me think of Darth Vader sitting in a committee meeting defining units.)

Politeness

Canadians are renown the world over for being a polite people. I found no exceptions here in Ottawa. When driving, most people used turn signals, slowed down to allow others to merge, pedestrians followed the signals at intersections -- it was quite nice. Although I was warned by a local that this doesn't follow through all of Canada. Apparently drivers in Montreal are just as bad as in the US.

I ate dinner a couple nights at a bar, a lunch at a Tim Hortons, and dinner at the airport. All of the servers were more than friendly. The counter gal at Tim's had a heavy north-African accent and was very apologetic. We had some challenges communicating, not just because of her accent but because of the Canadianisms too. I had no idea what "double-double" meant when she was asking about my coffee. Turns out it means two sugars, two creams. I like my coffee black, and it was an entertaining thing as it seems this is a popular choice up north. Regardless of our difficulty talking to each other, it was a very friendly and kind two minutes.

The patrons at these establishments were also very kind from their interactions with each other (making sure people had seats and enough space) to striking up general conversations with strangers. Maybe I just met some nice folks and that isn't the total norm, but I'm happy to stereotype in this positive manner. I have traveled regularly all across the US and often sit in silence next to grumpy fellow travelers and deal with disgruntled servers just waiting for their next smoke break. It's a refreshing change of pace.

Cultural Mix

I was surprised by the international feel of downtown Ottawa. Many people were bilingual in French and there was an incredible mix of "minorities". I am not educated on the racial heritage mix of the area, but had presumed Canada to be full of Caucasians. This was an erroneous assumption on my part and found a very wide mix of skin colors and accents. Maybe that's just part of being in a city, although Ottawa isn't exactly a huge city.

The Girls

Something stood out to me with women's fashion in this area. Even in freezing weather, many women still wore skirts with leggings. It appears that wildly patterned and styled leggings is a "thing" up there. A broad mix of boots/shoes, leg warmers/skinny jeans, etc. was easily observable around town. When you wander NYC or Chicago in the winter, it seems everyone has the same dress code -- long black coat and the warmest thing you find in your closet. It was unexpected to see such flair in women's winter fashion, as well as an apparent complete disregard for the temperature.

The Highlander Pub

To get a little specific, I have to recommend this place if you're ever in town. Their vegetarian food options weren't anything to write home about (but it's a Scottish themed bar, including kilts, and Scotts aren't really known for their vegan dishes!), but the service, the beer, and their selection of Scotch was absolutely fantastic.

Here's a link to their website: www.thehighlanderpub.com, which includes pictures of the bar. If you enjoy Scotch, sit at the bar and have a chat with Dave the bartender. He really knows his stuff to a T. On both evenings, once I made a selection, he turned around, thumbed through some random book on the shelf, and handed me some written details on that specific Scotch. His knowledge is unsurpassed in my experience. I really enjoyed a 12 year old Arberlour, but had some difficulty describing it. The adjectives Dave pulled out were spot on regarding the flavor, the body, and the after taste. Further, he's just a downright pleasant guy and very chatty when he wasn't running around keeping everyone satisfied.


In all, I had an enjoyable few days visiting our office up there. I kind of hope to get back there again, but preferably in the summer months. Direct flights are limited, and I drove 2 hours south to Dulles for a direct flight. I won't be doing that again, and in fact will likely just drive the 7 hours next time. In the end, it works out pretty much as a wash in terms of time and cost - plus then I'll have my Jeep up there for the snow!

A Heart Full of Love

Have you ever had that feeling? It can come from many places, but only if you give yourself the opportunity. My personal experiences of this feeling have greatly multiplied over the last year. They have come from events like meditation, singing Kirtan, holding or talking to a child, spending quiet time with someone you care about, watching a sunrise/sunset or even just driving down the road. But you have to be open to receive it. 

The feeling I'm talking about one is where your heart literally feels full. Like there's not enough space in your chest to hold it. It's a feeling of deep connection and resonance between your inner self and the rest of creation. It's a feeling of openness too. Like your heart is directly connected to something else, something greater than you. This isn't quite traditional American emotion love of another individual. That's a more specific feeling, different from this one. When you love a Significant Other, for example, you may be willing to take risks to protect them, to share deep inner thoughts with them, to feel a solid connection based on shared experiences. But that's different and more narrow than what I'm talking about here. Opening yourself up to another person may be a good start, but it's not the end point - you need to open yourself up to everything, to nature, to the world, to the Universe. 

Verily, I cannot find the words to express it more clearly. I hope that you have had the opportunity to experience this at least once in this life so far. It's painful to think that many people out there have never grasped this feeling.  Holding a peaceful mind and a compassionate heart allows you to find this experience in more places and more readily, in my experience.

I do know for certain that there are actions that make this feeling simply impossible. Some examples:

• Being angry - anger at another person or events precludes any possible positive inner emotions to be realized
• Being unkind - differentiated from anger, because you can be unkind in your actions even if you're not angry
• Violence - I am willing to bet not a single human on this planet has held love in their heart during an act of violence. You cannot aim to injure another living being in the name of Love. If you can hold a gun in your hand and feel Love, you have some serious issues that need to be resolved. There may be feelings of power and dominance that narrow minded people attribute to love, but this is self-loving. And one of the causes of personal suffering. 
• Revenge - If another has harmed you or someone you love, revenge is a common modern reaction. "You hurt mine, so I shall hurt you." This is folly. Additional pain and hate does not heal or resolve the initial action. This is a viscous cycle and nothing to do with Love. 
• Over-indulgence - This could cover many things from drinking and drugs to money and physical possessions to sexual or other personal gratification. Yes, there are use cases, in my opinion, where partaking in these events is harmless. Alcohol and mild drugs can ease social tensions and temporarily relieve personal suffering. Most everyone in a modern society needs some money and possessions. Sex and some selfish acts are obviously fun and lead to temporary happiness. The over-indulgence or uncontrolled attachment is where the problems start.

When the true goal is the end of suffering and helping every living being find eternal happiness, these are roadblocks and distractions. One must aim to live their life in harmony with nature and other living beings. This brings you closer to feeling, as best as we can in these temporary earthly bodies, that resonance and connection of the vibrations of the Universe hidden from our plain sight. 

Realize, too, that you don't need to be sitting on a beautiful warm beach watching the sun rise to achieve this ecstatic feeling of Love. You can find it driving down the road, being in tune with the present moment, with the Now, and viewing the leaf-less trees on a bitterly cold winter day. But you have to be personally open and available to receiving it. Then when it strikes.... Oh my! What joy and happiness! Tears well up in your eyes, your heartbeat quickens, and the vibrations of the Universe pass freely through you. Ecstasy. It's available all the time. You just need to put aside the angry mind, the fear and hate preached by so many vitriol people in this world. World peace starts with inner peace. Loving Everyone starts with Loving Yourself.

 

A little tangent here as I was working through these thoughts:  I am not Christian, and many of the words I've used above are from Eastern traditions and not modern Christianity. However, I firmly believe true Christians think of this experience in a similar way. These people are Christians who look to the words and teachings of Jesus in the New Testament and other resources to find the message of Light and Love he consistently preached. Very little of this can be found in the Old Testament world of a vengeful and controlling supreme being. There primary tools in the Old Testament is fire and brimstone, fear and revenge. And the "Christians" who pull from such sources to argue against science, who expound hateful messages against people who are different from them, who self-righteously claim they are due to inherit the kingdom of heaven while shoving anyone else to the side, these are not people of Light and Love. These are not true Christians. These are people full of self-love and are only increasing suffering in the world around them. And they will never find their heart so full of Love that they just need to sit for a moment and weep in happiness. I feel sorry for them.

“The moment you understand yourself as the true Self, you find such peace and bliss that the impressions of the petty enjoyments you experienced before become as ordinary specks of light in front of the brilliant sun.” -- Swami Satchidananda, The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali

Credit for the image

On real-world chanting

I am quite familiar with the concept of chanting mantras. I have done this as part of meditation and of course it's part of Kirtan as well. However, while I've read a lot about this practice, and done it myself, I'm not really sure how it's "supposed" to be done. That is, while I have found benefits using chants in my own way, I've never been taught if there's a proper way to do it, or if there are typical ways in which this is used outside of meditation.

Last week we ran across a movie called Hippie Masala on Amazon Prime.  It was free, and we were looking for something hippie-related, so turned it on and got about half way through that evening. It's a fascinating semi-documentary about Europeans who took hold of the hippie counter-culture movement in the 1960s or 70s and gave up on Western society to live a more basic life in India. Many who followed that path returned home a few years later, but this is a story about some of those who stayed forever in India.

What caught my attention was one man in particular (pictured above), who while in the process of some menial task (lighting his pipe, which was a multi-step process), started simply chanting out loud while doing it. His particular chant is one I'm familiar with (Om Namah Shivaya). Only his take was slightly different. He would say "Om Namah Shivaya Shivaya Shivaya Shivaya Shivaya..." with the repeated Shivayas trailing off in volume before starting again from the beginning. So here I finally found an example of someone who's chanting to maintain mindfulness during a task. The documentary wasn't full of commentary (in fact, the initial commentary is fairly degrading, calling hippies "freaks"), so you kind of had to piece all this together. Thankfully I'm familiar enough with the culture and practices that it all made sense to me.

So what's the takeaway for me? I've been chanting more, and more often out loud. For example, I was frying a few eggs for lunch the other day. I am very picky about my cooking eggs, and when things don't go right (broken yolks, whites running into each other, or other things that tend to set off my OCD), I get frustrated - which of course leads to a negative mind coming into play (i.e., in the Buddhist view). So I was frying my eggs, 3 in a smallish pan, and when they started colliding I immediately sensed frustration building. So I chanted. I literally used the repeated Om Namah Shivaya the guy in the movie was using. The primary effect is that you separate yourself from the task. I am not the eggs. I am not the cook. This task isn't about me at all. It's just something that needs to be done to satiate my body's hunger. Attachment to things and activities is a core cause of suffering (more Buddhism). By bouncing out of that mindset and simply performing the task, no matter how poorly my cooking experience goes, it doesn't really matter.

Kirshna devotees do a lot of chanting during tasks like this. My understanding of their concept is that you're not cooking eggs to eat at all, but instead you are performing tasks (cooking, eating, cleaning up) and all of these tasks should be devoted entirely to Krishna (essentially and literally, devoted to God). By chanting mantras (or Sloka or Stotra), they are consciously dedicating their present actions to Krishna.

For me, I have too many scientific and atheistic views I'm still attached to for me to think about this as a dedication to an anthropomorphic deity. However, I am in a place where I've recognized the power of living in the present moment:  not ruminating on the past or worrying about the future (c.f. Ram Dass, Eckhart Tolle). And so my chanting a mantra during a task allows me to recognize the process for what it is. A task to accomplish without attachment. My eggs ended up edible (although required some extra folding to fit on my bagel), and I had no feelings of frustration arise from a less-than-perfect egg experience. I've since expanding the use of this and a couple other mantras when performing tasks like cleaning up, taking a shower, shaving, folding clothes, etc. I already have been doing this in a way when driving as I listen to Kirshna Das and similar Kirtan-style music almost exclusively (except for the occasional flip to NPR). The results are immediate. Unpleasant tasks just become tasks. Driving in heavy traffic just become driving to Point A, and I'll get there when I get there.

In reviewing the literature, there are recommended mantras for specific tasks. I haven't gotten that far yet. But I do have several go-to chants that allow me to pop out of attachment and "watch the watcher" with ease. If you find yourself feeling frustrated and angry over little things, don't keep feeding the negative mind. Let yourself watch the watcher. Do it consciously at first, but you'll find it comes more and more easily to you with a little practice. Once you know that feeling, chanting a mantra could help get you there faster, or preemptively before you even have a chance to slip.

Om Namah Shivaya Shivaya Shivaya Shivaya Shivaya

Om Namah Shivaya Shivaya Shivaya Shivaya Shivaya

Om Namah Shivaya Shivaya Shivaya Shivaya Shivaya

I got a chill

On the way back to York from a Buddhist meditation class in Lancaster, my companion had the Jeep window rolled half way down as she enjoyed a cigarette. I was chilled, not wearing a jacket. But the heat was on, blowing strongly towards our feet. Yet the cool 50 degree air (which will feel very warm in another month or two) swirled around my neck and made me cold.

I quickly snapped into the thought process of recognizing that I was cold and uncomfortable. Yet there are countless others out there who are much colder than I am. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could all be free from being cold! Then I thought more deeply about this realization. Yes, I was uncomfortable and chilly. Yet my feet were actually on the verge of feeling too hot with the heat blowing forcefully from the vents. Further, I would be warm again soon. Once the cigarette is out and the window is back up, the rest of the car will warm up quickly. And we were on our way to a diner to get food. It'll be comfortable inside the restaurant surely, and my food will be hot.

At the same time, though, in this little grown-up farm town, there are people out on the street who have felt the cold move in with the sunset and who don't have anywhere else to go. They don't own a car where they can crank up the heat. They don't have a house and warm bed to sleep in tonight. They can't even afford the cheap diner food to warm their belly. Countless beings are experiencing much more suffering than I am. My neck is cold. I'm not as comfortable as I would like to be. But I have no right to complain or to feel unhappy about it. Think about the person who's trying to find a comfortable spot to lie down and rest out of the weather, wearing a worn out coat and shoes with holes. I have a closet full of coats and shoes in perfectly good shape that I don't wear simply because I don't like them any more. Time to empty out the closet and give away those things that could make someone else's winter evening a touch more bearable.


Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.  And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing. Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away. For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away. When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity. -- 1 Corinthians 13, Paul of Tarsus

The Egg

Ran across this story somewhere (maybe imgur). I did not write this and take no credit, but found it touching. And I thought about several times after I read it, and believe it deserves a wider audience so I'm reposting. The author is Andy Weir and his post can be found here. 

You were on your way home when you died.
It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me.
And that’s when you met me.
“What… what happened?” You asked. “Where am I?”
“You died,” I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words.
“There was a… a truck and it was skidding…”
“Yup,” I said.
“I… I died?”
“Yup. But don’t feel bad about it. Everyone dies,” I said.
You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. “What is this place?” You asked. “Is this the afterlife?”
“More or less,” I said.
“Are you god?” You asked.
“Yup,” I replied. “I’m God.”
“My kids… my wife,” you said.
“What about them?”
“Will they be all right?”
“That’s what I like to see,” I said. “You just died and your main concern is for your family. That’s good stuff right there.”
You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn't look like God. I just looked like some man. Or possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure, maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the almighty.
“Don’t worry,” I said. “They’ll be fine. Your kids will remember you as perfect in every way. They didn't have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it’s any consolation, she’ll feel very guilty for feeling relieved.”
“Oh,” you said. “So what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something?”
“Neither,” I said. “You’ll be reincarnated.”
“Ah,” you said. “So the Hindus were right,”
“All religions are right in their own way,” I said. “Walk with me.”
You followed along as we strode through the void. “Where are we going?”
“Nowhere in particular,” I said. “It’s just nice to walk while we talk.”
“So what’s the point, then?” You asked. “When I get reborn, I’ll just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything I did in this life won’t matter.”
“Not so!” I said. “You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just don’t remember them right now.”
I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. “Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It’s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it’s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you've gained all the experiences it had.
“You've been in a human for the last 48 years, so you haven’t stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long enough, you’d start remembering everything. But there’s no point to doing that between each life.”
“How many times have I been reincarnated, then?”
“Oh lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different lives.” I said. “This time around, you’ll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 AD.”
“Wait, what?” You stammered. “You’re sending me back in time?”
“Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from.”
“Where you come from?” You said.
“Oh sure,” I explained “I come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I know you’ll want to know what it’s like there, but honestly you wouldn't understand.”
“Oh,” you said, a little let down. “But wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, I could have interacted with myself at some point.”
“Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only aware of their own lifespan you don’t even know it’s happening.”
“So what’s the point of it all?”
“Seriously?” I asked. “Seriously? You’re asking me for the meaning of life? Isn't that a little stereotypical?”
“Well it’s a reasonable question,” you persisted.
I looked you in the eye. “The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature.”
“You mean mankind? You want us to mature?”
“No, just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature and become a larger and greater intellect.”
“Just me? What about everyone else?”
“There is no one else,” I said. “In this universe, there’s just you and me.”
You stared blankly at me. “But all the people on earth…”
“All you. Different incarnations of you.”
“Wait. I’m everyone!?”
“Now you’re getting it,” I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back.
“I’m every human being who ever lived?”
“Or who will ever live, yes.”
“I’m Abraham Lincoln?”
“And you’re John Wilkes Booth, too,” I added.
“I’m Hitler?” You said, appalled.
“And you’re the millions he killed.”
“I’m Jesus?”
“And you’re everyone who followed him.”
You fell silent.
“Every time you victimized someone,” I said, “you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you've done, you've done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you.”
You thought for a long time.
“Why?” You asked me. “Why do all this?”
“Because someday, you will become like me. Because that’s what you are. You’re one of my kind. You’re my child.”
“Whoa,” you said, incredulous. “You mean I’m a god?”
“No. Not yet. You’re a fetus. You’re still growing. Once you've lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born.”
“So the whole universe,” you said, “it’s just…”
“An egg.” I answered. “Now it’s time for you to move on to your next life.”
And I sent you on your way.

Random Thought

I am stuck in traffic on the way to the beach. We were heading south, in the morning, as the sun was to left. Already kind of high even though it was still early. But dawn had cracked at 5 am. 2 lanes north and south, both ways clogged up. We were far enough south that the grass had that piedmont close-to-the-beach feel. A little too wide blade, a bit rough, that darker green. Not really any sand in the soil here, but definitely beach type grass. We were getting close. You couldn't smell the salt air yet, but you knew it would be close. Anticipation was high. This was vacation! What would the hotel look like? How would the condo be laid out inside? Would there be a tall counter with stools? What would their plates look like? Would we have a view of the ocean? What table will we play cards at in the evenings? It was all just around the corner. You could almost smell the sea now. Taste the salty waves. Feel the warmth of the sun and smell the sunscreen. It'll be hot, but not too hot. The water will be warm but not too warm. It's all just around the next few turns. Traffic stood still. The cars were late 70s or early 80s. Lots of angles and length. Heavy but not fast. Metal windshield wipers. Lots of reds and browns and whites. Whitewall tires. That warm asphalt smell mixing with gasoline and tires. I was in the back of a white station wagon, with red interior maybe 5 years old. A striped shirt and shorts. I couldn't wear my swim trunks yet - there'd be a ritual involved once it's finally time to change and be ready for the ocean. Or maybe first the outside pool at the condo. Where you could see the ocean over the boardwalk and people walking below. Once the traffic moves, I'll be able to smell the air. To hear the gulls. Open the door and get out because "you're there." Are we there yet? Yes.

 

Check in at the lobby. He does this a hundred times a day, but I'm only here once in the summer. This is my only check-in at the beach. The you get the key. Two. With the number on the brightly colored plastic tag. Do we go up first and see it? Check it all out? Or go back to the car and get a load of bags? But there's so many bags, and the room won't be empty when we bring them in. But we're parked in the way. Other people need to check in. But this is my check in. We can't be in the way, so we get the big rolling thing to carry the bags. You can hang stuff all across the top of the gold arc, but we never had anything to hang. Just stack and stack. Carry a couple of the small ones. Navigate to the elevator. What color will the carpet be? What color are the chairs? What kind of TV do they have? Is there a cabinet full of books and board games? We hog the whole elevator and click the 12. That's pretty high. Not way up top, but above the parking garage and lots of buildings. There's lots of orange and white. White plastic furniture. An orange and white theme. With some yellow in the kitchen. Sunshine colors at the beach. The bathrooms are green and blue. We are ocean view, and we can see the ocean. We're high up to feel the wind and see the waves break, but can't hear them. It's sunny, glaring off the ocean. No wind down there, no whitecaps. Birds arcing listlessly. The carpet is fuzzier than I'd expect for the beach, but it's kinda neet. There is a high counter in the kitchen with white plastic bar stools. This will be home for now. No grass to mow or boring days. Something different every day. Different restaurants. The smörgåsbord, the strange art place on the corner, the noisy bars that overflow onto the boardwalk. The great seafood place that we won't go to. Walking through the hot sand at lunch time to get a pork sandwich, and remember they have sales tax. The post-sun and salt and sand shower. The color develops on your skin in a couple hours. The boardwalk at night. So different. You can still hear the waves, but it's glow sticks and kites. Couples walking in the sand, hand in hand. People are red and brown, but with shirts and dresses on now. But still flip flops. Who would ever even bring sneakers to the beach? The silly T-Shirt shops. The arcade with the same games and same schedule. First to skee-ball, then a little air hockey. Finally we can play quarter video games while they play pinball and laugh.

 

What if a bad storm comes in while you're sleeping? Will the ocean suddenly swell up around the building? Would it collapse? What if it gets really windy when we're this far up? These buildings have been here so many years, I'm sure they'll last tonight. The sun is so low on the horizon. It's such a softer yellow, and so bright reflecting off the water. It's so warm on my skin already, it'll be hot today. Until the one that's different. When you pack up all but one swimsuit and one other regular outfit. For the drive home. The smell disappears quickly, and you're facing the setting sun in the west. We'll be unpacking the car before the blue fades from the sky. Back into my own bed. My sheets, and my clock by the bed. My shower, but no sand to wash off or bathing suits to wring out. The flip flops will stay out. For a few days at least. Until you're outside playing a game and need to run fast. On the softer skinnier grass of home, where underneath it's mud and not sand. Where the roads get just as hot, but there's no salt air moving over you. But it's all worth it. Even if it's over too fast, and you'll miss it later, you have to do it. It's all waiting, just around the next turn.

Head Shaving

A little aside here from my recent posts on life philosophies!

I've been shaving my head for 4-5 years now. Early on, I settled on using a foaming gel by "edge". Since I use an electric razor for my face, I don't have much experience in shaving creams, but this worked pretty well for me.

One annoying bit is traveling with shaving cream. Obviously, it's way cheaper to buy the larger cans - but you're not allowed to take 7oz containers on an airplane. This means also buying a supply of smaller (under 3oz) cans to take on the road. Somewhat annoying is that those cans take up significant space in the 1 quart clear baggies you're allowed to take through security. But most importantly is that you can't see how much product remains in the can!

I was in Boulder early this week for a couple days for work, and when I went to shave one morning I found the travel can only had a single squirt left... Not nearly enough to shave with. Ugh!

I could just go "fuzzy" for the rest of the trip, but that wasn't ideal. So I immediately searched online for shaving cream alternatives. There are some downright silly suggestions (peanut butter!!), but near the top of the list is hair conditioner. I obviously don't travel with this stuff, but the Hampton Inn provides little tubes of Neutrogena products - lotion, shampoo and conditioner. So why not try it?

I was pleasantly surprised! Maybe even amazed at the results. Here's my summary:

1) It doesn't foam up like traditional creams and foaming gels. This was a little disconcerting at first, but I'm happy I pushed through. By the end of the 4-5 minutes it takes to shave, it was difficult to see any conditioner on my head at all. The only real issue here is tracking areas that you've already hit or not. But in a well lit bathroom, it's easy enough to see the stubble (although, maybe an issue for light skinned folks with light hair). The lack of foam actually seems like a positive since there aren't huge gobs of foam all over the razor.

2) You need remarkably little. To comfortably foam up my whole head, it would take a silver-dollar sized blob of gel in my palm to cover everything. With the conditioner, I used something close to a nickel-sized blob. Significantly less.

3) The razor rinses more cleanly. Conditioner is a greasy substance - at least it feels that way to my hands. Rinsing the blade between passes was very satisfying since pretty much all you see in the sink is hair stubble rather than lots of foam. I'd usually have to rinse the blade with a hard stream of water along with some banging against the sink to free it up. With the conditioner, rinsing was much faster and required far less sink banging.

4) After-feel is also very good. My regular gel contains vitamin E and my scalp isn't dry, so I've never noticed a real issue with this. But after shaving and a quick head rinse, my dome felt noticeably soft and smooth. Which means both that the shave was nice and close (even with a blade that wasn't close to new) and my skin felt soft in a healthy way.

I'm impressed. No idea how well this works on a face, for anyone with thicker hair follicles or on other body parts (since I've never shaved my legs!), but for my thin Caucasian hair, I'm really liking this option and may stop buying shaving cream and opt instead for a decent conditioner.

BTW, for aftershave, I highly recommend straight witch hazel. I've tried a couple fancier things made specifically for your head, but witch hazel is very cheap and gives me a nice crisp clean feeling. It travels well with a little 2oz bottle too. Further, before heading out on the town for an evening, a splash of witch hazel freshens you up nicely.

2 Personal Limitations

Yes, I'm sure I have more than two - but two struck me this past weekend. Thinking about your personal reactions to events, reflecting on how you didn't necessarily do the best thing, or that you don't have all the answers after all... these are humbling but necessary experiences.

#1 - A man with mental health issues.
A guy I didn't know showed up at my men's group meeting this Saturday, then Sunday he was at church for the regular service. I am not sure how to "deal" with this person. He admitted to having mental health issues. (I'm no expert, so cannot even fathom a guess or description, but in looking at him, you certainly get that feeling that something is "off" with him.) He's clearly troubled financially and in social situations. The Buddhist in me wants to treat him with respect and compassion, to ease his suffering if I can. But I couldn't bring myself to do that. There's something in me that simply does not trust this person, although I haven't been able to reconcile why. What this means is that I am very hesitant to engage him in any manner. It's quite possible I am in a position to help him out in some ways, such as directly financially or by giving him rides where he needs to be. But my help was not forthcoming, and it has been gnawing at me a bit.

Thinking about the trust aspect of this, it occurred to me that while Love can be unconditional, Trust must be earned. However, my actions this weekend (literally, I was avoiding any direct engagement with him) offered no pathway to building that trust or getting to know him personally. I feel strongly now that I want to make a personal resolution to at least talk to him the next time I see him. That's a start.

Countless beings suffer from metal illness. Many are much worse than this man. It would be wonderful if we were all free from mental illness.


#2 - A cynical teacher.
I have been chatting a lot with a friend about my hippie philosophy. She sees the merit in the path and is buying into the positive reinforcing cycle of a positive outlook on life. The conversations have been good, but one thread stuck out this weekend. She claimed that she is a "realist". I, personally, self-identify as a realist as well, although she seems to see me as an idealist in our philosophical discussions. I explained that I actually am a realist at heart. For example, I know that if I want to retire on a farm on a hill, it will take time, planning, and effort to get there. There's no Prince Charming out there who's just going to hand me a happy ever after.

She clarified with a couple of real-life examples as a grade school teacher. Abbreviated slightly, here are the examples:
a) Parents who sell their kid's ADHD medication so they can buy their own drugs
b) Some kids come to school hungry and dirty because their parents are drug addicts
c) One child always sleeps in class. His mother is a heroin addict who has turned to prostitution, and the child is up all night because men are coming in and out of the house at all hours.

The suffering caused by some parents towards their own children is unfathomable. Drug addicts simply are not capable of being responsible parents. That's obvious and unarguable.

My challenge is that I can wax philosophically about Love and present moment awareness ad nauseam. I do my best to live that philosophy as well. I have touched many minds while traveling this path, and I am honored that more than a few people have looked to me for answers or guidance at various times. But in this case, I had no response. Nothing to say beyond "that sucks".

What disheartened me about the conversation was my lack of words for her. How does one keep a positive attitude and weed out the negativity in their life when they're touched every day by some of the worst elements of our society? And clarify my wording, "cynical" is incorrect, but it fit well enough when I started writing this out. She's clearly not a cynic - you couldn't keep teaching public school in this country if you were.

I'm reminded now of my recent post on Compassion. That you can't stop warmongers from bombing Syria, but you can bring light to wherever you are. Start at the local level, and be that positive person in any room. Then let it rub off and spread. Maybe just add a little bit of light into that child's day of misery. Strive to be that teacher they think of 10 years from now as the one who never needlessly hassled them but instead treated them respect. Let the divine light in you see the divine light in others.

I don't know. I don't have the answers. I wish I did.

The Search for More

Ram Dass tells many stories of people vying for success for the sake of success. Many illustrations are used, and one of my favorites is when an eminent scientist is awarded the Noble Prize. When being interviewed by a reporter, the scientist is asked, "Now that you've won the Noble Prize, what's next?"

One could cynically view this kind of story as "what's the point then?" if all your work is for naught. But that misses the key concept - you still need to do your daily tasks, accomplish things for the good of society - but those accomplishments aren't the goal. Because if you worship success, you're setting yourself up for lifelong suffering because there's no concept of "enough success".

I was reminded of this during lunch today when flipping through the classic Benjamin Hoff book The Tao of Pooh. In that book there's this story of a Stonecutter, attributed to a Chinese fable. Whenever you find yourself envious of another person, or feeling downtrodden in general, it's a good story to think about.

There was once a stonecutter, who was dissatisfied with himself and with his position in life.

One day, he passed a wealthy merchant's house, and through the open gateway, saw many fine possessions and important visitors. "How powerful that merchant must be!" thought the stonecutter. He became very envious, and wished that he could be like the merchant. Then he would no longer have to live the life of a mere stonecutter.

To his great surprise, he suddenly became the merchant, enjoying more luxuries and power than he had ever dreamed of, envied and detested by those less wealthy than himself. But soon a high official passed by, carried in a sedan chair, accompanied by attendants, and escorted by soldiers beating gongs. Everyone, no matter how wealthy, had to bow low before the procession. "How powerful that official is!" he thought. "I wish that I could be a high official!"

Then he became the high official, carried everywhere in his embroidered sedan chair, feared and hated by the people all around, who had to bow down before him as he passed. It was a hot summer day, and the official felt very uncomfortable in the sticky sedan chair. He looked up at the sun. It shone proudly in the sky, unaffected by his presence. "How powerful the sun is!" he thought. "I wish that I could be the sun!"

Then he became the sun, shining fiercely down on everyone, scorching the fields, cursed by the farmers and laborers. But a huge black cloud moved between him and the earth, so that his light could no longer shine on everything below. "How powerful that storm cloud is!" he thought. "I wish that I could be a cloud!"

Then he became the cloud, flooding the fields and villages, shouted at by everyone. But soon he found that he was being pushed away by some great force, and realized that it was the wind. "How powerful it is!" he thought. "I wish that I could be the wind!"

Then he became the wind, blowing tiles off the roofs of houses, uprooting trees, hated and feared by all below him. But after a while, he ran up against something that would not move, no matter how forcefully he blew against it -- a huge, towering stone. "How powerful that stone is!" he thought. "I wish that I could be a stone!"

Then he became the stone, more powerful than anything else on earth. But as he stood there, he heard the sound of a hammer pounding a chisel into the solid rock, and felt himself being changed. "What could be more powerful than I, the stone?" he thought. He looked down and saw far below him the figure of a stonecutter.

---

"Lots of people talk to animals," said Pooh.
"Maybe but..."
"Not very many listen, though," he said.
"That's the problem," he added.

A Message to Me

This past Saturday evening, at the end of a wonderful day, I was at a One Love concert at the Lancaster Metaphysical Chapel. For the last song/chant, everyone was asked to get up and form a circle around the room. I could tell they would be asking us to hold hands. The kids and I didn't know anyone else there. We had seen one familiar face earlier, but she was gone now. As we formed a circle, my thoughts were centered around isolating the kids, keeping them safe from strangers, and calming any anxiety they may be feeling. They have each had typical kid reactions to strangers in the past, and I expected hesitation in being asked to hold a stranger's hand. I was leading them to the edge of the room, with my daughter A (10 years old) behind me and my son J (13 years old) next to her. I obviously couldn't isolate both of them and wasn't sure where I would be best positioned. As we walked I realized I had the band's "lyrics sheet" in my hand. Instead of just setting it down or folding it into my pocket, I jokingly handed it to A to deal with. She similarly passed it along to J. But he got defensive and started bickering with his sister. That would be a huge distraction and potentially ruin the moment, so I stepped between them, took the sheet of paper back and put it in my pocket, and isolated them from each other.

At this point, it was time to close the circle and join hands. My trepidation concerning their reactions returned, and I realized now that I wasn't blocking either of them from a stranger - they each would have to hold hands with a stranger. As I looked to my left at J, he was looking to his left and holding out his hand to the older lady standing next to him. Awesome, no need for concern at all! When I looked to my right, A was already holding hands with the lady next to her. Wow! So I took my position confidently and proudly between my kids and held their hands.

The song was a version of the Gayatri Mantra. There were some spoken/chanted phrases in Hindi/Sanskrit that we weren't to worry about responding to or chanting with (this was a Kirtan concert). But a large section of this song was a chorus of the word "Hallelujah" repeated, which everyone sang along with.

As we sang Hallelujah, I closed my eyes and relished the moment. I was standing between my kids holding their hands as everyone sang. It was exactly where I should have been. I shouldn't have been on the edge to protect one of them after all - but right between them so we could share this moment. Never in a hundred years would I have opted for this arrangement, however. Without the distracting scuffle over the lyrics sheet, I would surely have been to one side. But it was time for me to experience this feeling, and so the Universe made sure I was able to.

"The next message is where you are when you hear the next message. Whenever you're ready you'll hear the next message.... Always there. Question is: Can you see it?" -- Ram Dass (in Be Here Now)

World Peace starts with Inner Peace

Someone said last night, "You can't even have a peaceful day at work, how can you expect world peace?"

This set me off on a series of thoughts that quickly lead to the conclusion that Inner Peace is the starting point for World Peace. (I know this isn't a new concept!) Flying across the world and lecturing combatants or leaders on having a peaceful mind would be ineffective. So what can I do as a lone individual separated from the incredible daily strife of countless beings on the planet?

I can be that happy person who always has a smile for someone else. And no fake grins here. I mean that feeling of internal happiness and joy and projecting feelings of compassion and cherishing to everyone I encounter. You have to start small and spread your positive light however you can. I can brighten someone else's day and bring them a little light as well. If enough of us do this, all individually and locally, eventually it grows. It has to grow and spread! Because if it doesn't, hate and fear will continue to destroy the planet and the countless lives who call it home. And while death isn't the end, an untimely death can certainly impede your spiritual journey.

The cycle of retaliation is a vicious one. If someone wrongs you, the ego mind slips easily into a negative state (often anger) and you retaliate. What good comes of this? Once you retaliate, they need to retaliate again, and it spirals badly out of control. But if you're able to keep a peaceful mind, you can see that the one who wronged you is actually in the position of a spiritual guide. Their negative actions towards you offers you an opportunity to practice, in "real life", the precepts you meditate on. It's easy to say that it would be wonderful if suffering ended for everyone - but you need to actually live it. There's no need to make them suffer more or to increase your suffering by retaliating and continuing the cycle. I'm speaking at a personal level, but this works at a national level as well. The current retaliatory war in the Middle East is just a continuation of the cycle. Even if the US and its allies are able to kill every single member of ISIL, what have we done? Nothing. It won't stabilize the region or address the core problems that are 10s or 100s or even 1000 years old. Another group will just rise up in its place. And in accord with an escalating spiral, they'll probably be even worse than the one we just ousted. Violence begets violence.

The only way is to stop the cycle. As an individual, there's only so much you can do - but you can do much. And it all starts with finding inner peace for yourself. Become that beacon of light in your circle of friends and watch the infection spread.

"World peace must develop from inner peace. Peace is not just mere absence of violence. Peace is, I think, the manifestation of human compassion." -- Dalai Lama XIV

New Job

I am about to kick off the final weekend before I start a new job on Monday. It's been an interesting month.

I am heading back to a software company where I worked a few years ago. I left for a culmination of reasons including stalled upward mobility and a distrust for a couple specific individuals in senior management. Those people have now moved on, and I'm returning in a different role. I have high expectations for my new position and am pretty excited. It was great logging on a few minutes ago to my new (old) Outlook account and confirming my MSDN subscription. It will be fun getting back into the software tools arena, especially on the sales side.

However, this is going to be a real job again. I was spoiled in many ways at my last job. I was kind of a go-to project guy, where I was pulled into projects that were either flailing or that nobody else had the expertise to drive. As a quick study, I was able to pull together a couple small miracles there. Yet I never really had to work that hard. When I was a Project Manager, I had to log my hours - but since I wasn't a consultant actually doing the work, my job was largely driving status meetings and sending emails. I rarely had 8 full hours of work to do on any given day, and so spent a lot of time early on learning about the products, the competition, and the industry. But in the end, I spent many long lunch hours playing internet tanks. Not a proud time period, although I still always got my work done.

I also had time for socialization -- some weekday partying kept me out literally all night. Rolling back to your home at 8 am stinking of cigarette smoke and fully dehydrated was no way to start the work day. It was fun, but again, not productive.

Reading time was welcomed as well. As any readers know, I spent a lot of time reading the Upanishads and other "new-age" texts. I've come a long way in that journey and am thankful for the time afforded me to discover it. I have hit something of a plateau there, but that's OK. I'm doing structured yoga and meditation classes and am better connected to the liberal/hippie/enlightened crowd in this podunk farm town.

My unemployment period was interesting. In two days, I had cleaned my entire townhouse -- including dismantling and vacuuming out the bathroom fan assemblies. A couple days of extreme boredom ensued, but I never went back to playing video games. I caught up on little TV/movies and had a lot of time for mid-day runs, reading, and discovering new music. By the end, the lack of daily structure was wearing on me - I lost a feel for the difference between weekdays and weekends, except for the time spent with my kiddos. When I retire, I know I'll need to find regular activities. I read an article recently on retirement communities in Florida, and I have to admit I look forward to those days (assuming I can afford it!).

With my new-found outlook on life, I am very much looking forward to a position that many would view as stressful. I am optimistic that my lessons will not be for naught! It will be good to travel more again - my Hilton status is still Blue and it's September! I usually hit Silver by February. Weekends will be a welcome change of pace again instead of just being a couple days where all my friends are off work too.

In the end, my frequency of posts here may decrease again. Or may change to the more work-based character they had years ago. But I still have a lot to say, so I'll still be here! I was working this morning around a concept that came to me the other day regarding the various faces people wear at different times in different situations. As I started to journal about it, it seemed a much more complicated issue than I initially gave it credit. As Mark Twain famously responded to a request for a 2 page article in 2 days: "No can do 2 pages two days. Can do 30 pages 2 days. Need 30 days to do 2 pages." A brain dump easy (hence this post), but a carefully crafted article takes time.

Until then, Be Here Now.

Thoughts on Compassion

Countless other beings are suffering.

Most are suffering worse than me.

It would be wonderful if we could all be free from suffering.

Or being sick, or poor, or in pain. Whatever the ill or strife, the saying works. Compassion for others. Yes, I may have pain. But so do countless others. And most of those others are worse off than I am. And here's the compassion part:  it's not about my pain, but everyone else's. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could all be free from pain?

I have quoted the Buddhist Second Noble Truth a few times - either in writing or to friends. The crux is that all suffering is related to uncontrolled desire. It's deeper, but that's enough to make the point. I generally skip over the First Noble Truth - that life is suffering. That you need to know suffering. When I first hit upon this, that one didn't click for me. Almost like an obvious preamble. Like in a mathematical proof that starts with "consider two line segments of equal length...". Got it - two line segments, nothing interesting there. Similarly, I figured "got it, there's suffering". Duh. 

But I realized last night there's more than that. We did a meditation exercise around compassion - where you go one step beyond cherishing others more than yourself, but to really care and wish for an end to their personal suffering. So picture a large flat field, or a big stadium, like Nascar that seats 100,000 people plus the infield and so many more. Drop yourself in the middle there and start filling it. The ideal goal is to picture yourself surrounded by all living beings (not just humans, but animals too) and then to collectively imagine an end to everyone's suffering. But start small - picture your immediate family and those you interact with every day around you. Feel their individual suffering - physical ailments, poverty, emotional hardship, whatever challenges you know they have or they may have. Now start expanding out. Add in friends of friends you met once, extended family of cousins and aunts and nephews. Add in work acquaintances. Keep going! All the people on the last plane flight you took. All the people you saw in the airport that day. All the people in your graduating class, all the people you saw on the beach last vacation, that couple you met from England and their whole town. Expand, expand, expand. And realize they all have suffering. Because we all do. That's part of life. First noble truth - to feel compassion, you have to really understand there's suffering. Now you've got everyone grouped around in this massive stadium. Now everyone looks up at the endless ever-changing sky, we take a deep breathe, and then let it go. All at once. Everyone. And with that breathe, goes their suffering. At that moment, everyone is free, totally free, from suffering. It's not really a thought, but a feeling. Standing as one with all living beings, and you're just there. No suffering. Grasp that feeling and hold it for as long as you can in meditation. When the stray thoughts pop in, recognize them as stray, shoo them off, and gather your beings again. Refocus, and exhale again. Wouldn't it be great if all living beings were free from suffering!

OK back to life. You've got your job, your tasks, your relationships and interactions. And we've all got suffering. Now what? That's where to choices and the paths come in. Someone at work is dealing with a tough issue. What do you do? You follow the path. You understand their suffering, you feel compassion for them, you feel with your gut that yes, this person is suffering - and it would be wonderful for them if that could end. That's the starting point. From there, you go with intention to help in whatever you can to minimize their pain, to help them overcome. Because wouldn't it be great if all living beings were free from suffering?

That leads into the Third Noble Truth and hopefully may blog post later!

Running to Ixtlan

Still off work, I went for a run this morning. At first it was a healthy jog, maybe 3-4 miles depending on how I felt. My pace was quick, and I was cruising along, so I decided to keep a harder pace for myself and see fast I'd run 2.0 miles. My 8th grade son just started Cross Country (XC) and at that age they run 2.0 miles, rather than 5k (3.2 miles). I've been working with him a bit over the summer, and he seems to enjoy it and be in decent running condition. But his times felt slow to me - he was mid-pack and doing fine, but I was comparing 2.0 times versus my mile times or XC times in High School. Not a fair comparison. So I ran today and logged 8:40 and 8:30 splits for 17:10. My 13 year old son ran 15:32 yesterday in his 3rd race ever. That little twig is faster than I thought! But I'll keep working on him, because he just needs a little experience now; he's got the talen. And for me, now I have a personal goal.

Anyway.... The reason why I sat down to write this today wasn't the babble above, proving how 30 years of abusing your body doesn't help your running pace!

 

While jogging along the path, I noticed something. This is a mostly paved walking path, 0.8 miles long. Parts of it is boardwalk type planks over wetlands. It's beautiful and just down the hill from my house. What I noticed was that I always run on the left side of the path. When someone approaches the other direction (today I crossed another runner and a young mom with a stroller) I move to the right, as expected in America. But then I find myself hugging the left shoulder again. Why?

 

"Why?" indeed. I thought on it for a couple seconds before an idea emerged and stuck, then was only further validated the more I thought about it. I couldn't even think of another reason, I got so mind-locked to this one.

Carlos Castaneda's Journey to Ixtlan: The Lessons of Don Juan was the focus. I've read this twice, and overdue for a review given my experiences the last few months. The first copy I read was misplaced, and my current copy just has a couple dog-eared pages and not my usual verbose underlining. So bear with me and forgive me for not finding the lines to quote directly.

He writes how your Death,  your Shadow, is always just over your left shoulder. How you must live your life fully and with full responsibility for your actions until you (as either a Hunter or a Warrior) feel the final tap of Death on your shoulder. And your Spirit is there to take you away to the next step on your journey. This has stuck with me since I first read this book (way too early in my mixed up path of enlightenment). I didn't grok a lot of the content back then. The second time was better. And now I find myself clicking with some parts of this book without having picked it up in at least 3 years.

Part of that lesson is in giving your full self to whatever you do. The teacher speaks of men never giving over themselves to any single task. They never fully invest. And the problem isn't just distractions or lack of will power. It's more that we're doing the wrong things. You cannot give yourself fully to your job. You are not your job. You cannot give yourself fully to any task - because that doesn't define you. It's all wrong. The only thing you can really, truly, give yourself to is Being. Being yourself. That's your job. That's it. Everything else then falls into place.

OK, I'm editorializing and expanding on Don Juan's lessons there. Even with different words and different stories, it all comes back to mindfulness and present moment awareness. Be Love. Be Here Now.

And make your Death jog in the grass

Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front by Wendell Berry

Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front
by Wendell Berry

Love the quick profit, the annual raise,
vacation with pay. Want more
of everything ready-made. Be afraid
to know your neighbors and to die.
And you will have a window in your head.
Not even your future will be a mystery
any more. Your mind will be punched in a card
and shut away in a little drawer.
When they want you to buy something
they will call you. When they want you
to die for profit they will let you know.

So, friends, every day do something
that won’t compute. Love the Lord.
Love the world. Work for nothing.
Take all that you have and be poor.
Love someone who does not deserve it.
Denounce the government and embrace
the flag. Hope to live in that free
republic for which it stands.
Give your approval to all you cannot
understand. Praise ignorance, for what man
has not encountered he has not destroyed.

Ask the questions that have no answers.
Invest in the millennium. Plant sequoias.
Say that your main crop is the forest
that you did not plant,
that you will not live to harvest.
Say that the leaves are harvested
when they have rotted into the mold.
Call that profit. Prophesy such returns.

Put your faith in the two inches of humus
that will build under the trees
every thousand years.
Listen to carrion – put your ear
close, and hear the faint chattering
of the songs that are to come.
Expect the end of the world. Laugh.
Laughter is immeasurable. Be joyful
though you have considered all the facts.
So long as women do not go cheap
for power, please women more than men.
Ask yourself: Will this satisfy
a woman satisfied to bear a child?
Will this disturb the sleep
of a woman near to giving birth?

Go with your love to the fields.
Lie down in the shade. Rest your head
in her lap. Swear allegiance
to what is nighest your thoughts.
As soon as the generals and the politicos
can predict the motions of your mind,
lose it. Leave it as a sign
to mark the false trail, the way
you didn't go. Be like the fox
who makes more tracks than necessary,
some in the wrong direction.
Practice resurrection.

Reading

I was hoping to post more on the Upanishads series, but I've been woefully distracted lately. Unemployment leaves one with lots of time, but I haven't felt like sitting in front of the computer lately. However, I have been working my way through several books. I can't recommend these books highly enough! I was going to link each, but I'm sure anyone capable of finding and reading this blog can navigate amazon.com.

• The Power of Now, A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment by Eckhart Tolle. Usually one of the first books people read when traveling down the spiritual path I've been discovering. As such, I haven't found it as ground-breaking as a new reader on the subject would, but ever chapter includes insightful commentary or new ways of looking at things. The Q/A format is a little distracting at times, but not a major hindrance.
• The True Believer, Thoughts on the Nature of Mass Movements by Eric Hoffer. I have learned a lot and am only half way through. Truly, I learned a ton in the first chapter. Some pieces are a little dated (the original text was published in 1951, just after the "Hitler decade"), but when you're discussing historical context, that's not a bad thing. I do wish some of the movements in the last half century were included as examples, but it's not hard to draw the parallels. It provides some great techniques to view and understand current events, from the Tea Party to ISIL. 
• Bhagavad Gita As It Is by His Divine Grace A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada. Following a very thorough introduction, this book presents the core of the ancient Indian Vedas verse by verse in the original Sanskirt, phonetically, word-by-word translation, English prose, and then a commentary on the meaning of the verse. Honestly, it's taxing to read both this and the Upanishads (which don't have the commentary) in the same day. While I do not currently identify as a Krishna Devotee, this volume is nonetheless well worth the time.
• A Storm of Swords by George R. R. Martin. The third book in the Game of Thrones series. This series would be a very difficult read if it weren't for the HBO series to allow me to link back and recall the plethora of characters. It's quite good, but I've always read more non-fiction than fiction, so this has taken a back seat for now. It's my "light reading" book ;-)

I've got a few more texts I intend to read soon that I just haven't gotten to yet.

• The Way of the Explorer by Dr. Edgar Mitchell. Dr. Mitchell was an astronaut on the Apollo 14 mission, and the sixth man to walk on the moon. During the mission he experienced savikalpa samadhi, and I want to know more of the details!
• The New Testament by various authors. Tolle includes many biblical quotes and anecdotes in his book, and I'd like to take a fresh look for myself. 
• Other books by Ram Dass and Richard Bach are on the list as well. TBD

Some day, maybe I'll read one book at a time, but I like the changing of gears throughout the day!

Employment Terminated

I was "let go" yesterday from my job of nearly 3 years. This did not come as a huge surprise to me, although it feels a little disconcerting as this is the first time in this life that I have not ended employment on my terms. 

The company split in April 2014, selling off an entire division that was essentially half the company. It went as a business unit, taking not only software engineers and IP, but also some executive staff, management, marketing and sales. After that event, the writing was on the wall for the rest of the company - it was just a matter of time before it was acquired by a partner or competitor. That announcement is going live this afternoon. And so my termination yesterday was part of a reduction of head count.

Again, I'm not surprised at this. I am a Product Manager (a position that overlaps engineering, marketing and sales). However, in the trimmed down version of the company, we were left with 3 PMs by title and 2 product lines. The others had significantly more history with the company and knowledge about this industry, so immediately I was on the bubble. Further, a couple months ago they started to migrate to "solution selling" as opposed to selling products. The solution consisted of 3 areas, with some overlap for both product lines in each, and I was assigned one of these areas. However, that particular area is quite "mature" and didn't required the attention and management that I am capable of providing. As a result, my workload has not been significant for a while. 

I have in my hand a separation agreement that arrived by FedEx this morning. While one would hope to see something a little more generous, I guess it's good enough. Certainly it's better than 2 week's notice and a goodbye. I comfortably have about a month to find gainful employment on my next career stop, although I could budget out and stretch it further if necessary. Unfortunately, one position I had my eye on mid-summer is no longer listed online, but I'll be reaching out to that company regardless. And without really starting to look yet, I've heard of some other opportunities. I just need to find the best option to move ahead. 

Recently I have commented to several people that I would love to quite my job, sell most of my belongings, and go live on a commune. The time isn't ripe for that path yet, however, as I still have a financial responsibility to my children. I do recognize that my next choice needs to be one that's more in line with my belief system.

Fuel supply chain is fairly interesting, and the energy business is huge - but it doesn't jibe with my hippie outlook on the world. I found myself hesitating to sign anti-fracking petitions because natural gas as a motor fuel is an immense growth opportunity. Similarly, the Keystone XL pipeline would help move billions of gallons of oil south for refining, likely expanding the gallons passing through the company's software. So while I believe fracking is playing a large role in harming the environment and the pipeline is not actually needed given future oil demand and the environmental cost to build it, I felt like I was voting against the company when publicly decrying these activities. Not any more. I'm not sure I can find a green software company that requires my talents (without moving to the west coast), but at least I can get out of an industry that's literally and systematically destroying the planet. 

By living in the present moment, I will tackle each task of the job search as it comes. No reason to worry about past choices or to worry about what the future holds. The only thing I can affect is the Now.