A learning moment?

[No image available for this post because the most appropriate image is one that holds strong negative connotations, so this is a better option.]

I think I had a learning moment yesterday in a realization that slowly dawned on me last night while reading Hesse's Siddhartha in bed. This may be a long wordy post, and it may be a somewhat selfish way to organize my thoughts, but I think and hope my potential insights may be beneficial to others.

Background

I got involved in a FaceBook thread around whether or not the Confederate Flag (more accurately the Battle Flag of Virginia) is a racist symbol. I was quickly outnumbered in this thread with several people defending its use, using the history argument - that it's part of American history and is a symbol of Southern Heritage. My viewpoint is that this Southern Heritage is explicitly tied to racism, which many articles and videos support. It's even a clear conclusion from viewing the Wikipedia page.

I approached the discussion from a rational viewpoint and carefully worded my posts as not to be argumentative. I gave the other participants the benefit of the doubt that they were arguing their position from a non-racist viewpoint. I did have my doubts about this, however. One participant's background image on his FB page looked like a shot from Duck Dynasty, with several bearded white men presenting their middle fingers in an aggressive manner. The person's page on which this thread appeared also showed strong Fox News-leaning tendencies as well, but I wouldn't have called him out on being a racist.

The thread went in strange directions. Many defensive links were posted, all with the same History argument. I pointed out that the swastika dates from neolithic times as a peaceful symbol (yeah, yeah Godwin's Law), but that no one in their right mind would every fly such a flag today. While historically a positive symbol, it was corrupted beyond repair by the Nazi Party. It's even illegal to fly it in Germany except in a museum setting. While nobody is suggesting outlawing the Confederate Flag, those flying it should recognize what a majority of people feel it represents.

Clearly we all disagreed and the discussion wasn't heading anywhere. We all seemed to be reaching a point where the thread had run its course (into a brick wall), and I was ready to let it die. I'm totally OK with not trying to have the last word in these kinds of debates, and it was time just to let it end.

The Escalation

And then my FB friend posted a fresh comment. This was a post shared from Fox News around President Obama's decision to allow private citizens to pay ransom without fear of prosecution. I am not well versed on this point, and I can see at least two sides to that issue. What grabbed my attention was my friend's commentary added to the posted link. It began "Our Muslim President has declared..." and then ranted about this decision.

Right here, I stopped. I made a public comment on this new thread quoting his words and thanked him for letting me put his views on the Confederate Flag in perspective. He is clearly more racist than I had wanted to give him credit for. I don't have any interest in that level of bullshit on my FaceBook feed, or in Real Life, and promptly unfriended him.

He then decided to air this publicly, calling me out by name, which was quickly pointed out to me (after all, we still have many friends in common). Clearly misunderstanding my reason for the abrupt end to our conversation, he called me out on getting "all bent" because of History and Southern Pride. In order to clear this up for him concisely and to close the loop for myself, I messaged him privately letting him know the "Muslim President" comment shows me where he really stands on the flag debate. He has not replied, and I have not further investigated his public airing of his grievance against me. So this is the end, right?

The Aftermath

I found myself in bed, reading, but still thinking about this. If you've read other posts on this blog, or know me at all, I'm very much into the "Be Here Now" philosophy. The past is the past, and there's nothing productive in dwelling on might-have-beens or carrying around past negative events. Yet this exchange kept popping into my mind.

If I was OK with everything I said (I still am - everything was backed up with facts, and I was not argumentative or mean in anything I said), why was this still with me? So I contemplated his side of the events. Was he sitting at home stewing and angry? I've seen and heard how he behaves, especially with alcohol involved, and I know there is a deep streak of anger in this man. I pictured him stewing in anger, feeling persecuted yet again. Maybe he is thinking of me, and pictures me similarly angry and still raving on this? With this thread still in my mind, am I? While contemplating this view, a new thought popped in my mind.

What if he's actually questioning himself? He claims he's not racist, then posts something literally racist. He was seemingly embarrassed enough by my response to on the second thread that he appears to have removed the whole thing. Maybe my pointing this out had some positive effect on him? That would be a great outcome from a pointless debate. Contemplating this, yet another angle came to mind.

The Learning Experience

Maybe he's not questioning anything. Maybe he is just sitting there angry. This, sadly, is the more likely path given my experiences with him. In this case, I've made him angry; I have caused suffering in another living being. Is this keeping me up because I'm ashamed of my actions? But I was trying to do the right thing here, trying to get people to understand the negative connotations associated with a symbol, trying to get them to see the other side of the story. And I'm still confident that I'm on the right side of this debate - history will show that. I was trying to help, and maybe, just maybe, I did.

But... maybe I caused suffering for another living being. Where does that fall in Buddhist teachings? I know well enough that I cannot be the root cause of another's anger - that exists entirely in their mind. However, for one to experience the root delusion of anger, one needs to have an Object on which to exaggerate bad qualities or consider to be undesirable. What if you are that Object to someone else? Is there negative Karma associated with this?

I guess there is always risk in trying to do Good that you will fail. After all, we're all traveling through Samsara together, and if we didn't cause suffering in one another, the amount of suffering in the world may not be enough for us to learn any lessons. Regardless, my take-away here, at this stage in my journey, is learning for myself that what's good for me may not be good for all. I shall endeavor to tread more lightly down these slippery paths where rational debate becomes heated discussion, leading to anger and suffering for someone involved - on either side of the discussion. Once your subject becomes angry, you've lost the ability to teach them anything. If they're angry from the start, having a rational debate is meaningless.

"In a controversy the instant we feel anger we have already ceased striving for the truth, and have begun striving for ourselves." -- Buddha

Anger is all in your mind

A couple weeks ago, this topic came up in my Kadampa Buddhism meditation group. Our leader, James, uses many metaphors and similes when explaining the allegories in the Buddhist teachings. While sometimes his example sounds almost trivial and obvious in restating the principle, this method of repetition at a couple different levels really helps things sink into my head. It's a very positive experience. What follows is a short rambling about Angry Minds. I've thought a good about this the last couple weeks, and think I've developed a better understanding for  myself, which I hope will help others see more as well (duh, that's the whole purpose of this blog!). The examples I may use, however, I can't really take credit for. Some parts may be original, some may come directly from James, but at this point, I've circled these thoughts around so much I couldn't quote sources for any of it. On to the topic.

"Everyone has their triggers." I've heard, and likely said, this line many times over the years. As humans, we've all seen this - usually in others, but probably in ourselves as well. The Triggers I'm talking about here of course are those things that "set us off." That frees the Angry Mind to express itself. Often the result after experiencing a trigger, one is irrationally upset. All the below-the-surface anger they've been keeping a lid on is suddenly released in an outburst. Usually misdirected and entirely out of context. What pushed them over the edge? Their Trigger.

Triggers come in a many forms. Sometimes, they're specific people (or more generally some specific action of a specific person). Like a distant relative or an "ex", that when you happen to cross paths, triggers such anger! All the suffering that soured relationship caused and has been carried around explodes because of the encounter. Other times, triggers could be situational, like heavy traffic or getting unexpectedly stuck in a long checkout line. You're going along through a task, then your speed is suddenly disrupted and you're stuck. You've been able to keep it all together all day, just moving from one task to another, keeping yourself busy and not letting your mind focus on all that crap circling you. But then, stopped. Stuck. And the mind swirls, everything comes to the surface in a grand display. Banging on a steering wheel because your lane just started moving and a car cuts in front. Argh! Or why won't they just open another register! Huffing and puffing, mumbling under your breath, critiquing all the other customers in front of you - who clearly shouldn't be there, in that line, at that time, in front of you.

Maybe I haven't touched on a particular trigger of yours, but you get the point. So we meet the person above, and "everyone knows" that you just keep Mary away from Susan. They had a falling out, and now Susan is "a trigger" for Mary. Or we know the second guy, Rob, who you hesitate to spend time with in a car because you know traffic is "his trigger." He just gets so agitated, you don't want to risk it. But for you? Susan isn't that bad of a person. Sure, Mary and Susan don't get along, but Susan is OK. She has her circle of friends. There's nothing inherently bad about her. And traffic? Sure, it's annoying. Sometimes I end up a few minutes late for a meeting, and sometimes dinner is later than I really hoped it would be. But it's traffic, and not much I can really do it about. I'll wait it out, try to plan better next time. But again, Rob just goes crazy nuts in traffic. Yet there's nothing inherently evil about traffic. It's the occasional cost of having personal transportation.

So what does this all mean in the context of anger being in your mind? Mary get's angry with Susan. Rob gets angry about traffic. But you and I? We can deal with Susan or traffic without any anger. Which means there's nothing specific to Susan or traffic that is related to anger. If there was, we would all be angry with Susan and we'd all be angry sitting in traffic. Yet we aren't. That anger is all in the mind of the one experiencing it. They are expressing an angry mind due to a stimulus that does not inherently cause anger. Because anger doesn't exist in the world. Only in the mind. Imagine if all people could recognize their anger is theirs alone. The things they are angry with, others are not. Which means they have the capacity to also experience it without anger. Just recognize that angry mind, recognize what's causing it, replace it with a peaceful patient mind. If we could each just find that wisdom, all the anger "in the world" would just evaporate. It's not really there anyway, so why pay it any mind?


“If you try to get rid of fear and anger without knowing their meaning, they will grow stronger and return.” -- Deepak Chopra