On my political evolution

My early political views were shaped by my father. We were a white middle-class family, though we seemed to have moved up from lower-middle to middle-middle. He was a strong-minded logical person who'd worked his way up to senior management in manufacturing. I identified him as a typical Republican. For example, he was anti-union, because it would cost the company more money in the long run. Watching the fiscal policy arguments of the day, I was enthralled by Ronald Reagan. I believed a strong military was key to national security under the hype of the cold war. I was against gay marriage because I believed straight people could take advantage of it to avoid higher taxes. I believed taxes were too high, and we had too many lazy people on the public dole, based on extrapolating from the history of the Roman Empire. I was against affirmative action because I believed every individual had the means to escape from the caste into which they were born. I identified my mother as a soft-hearted liberal, and used to argue arbitrary positions with her pretty much just for fun. I had mastered the art of cherry-picking pieces of information that fit my world view, and vehemently defend those views, while ignoring any contrary evidence.

I moved out of the house and went to college, then graduate school. Almost all of these views held steadily, although some liberal social views crept in. For example, I was strongly pro-choice, knowing many female peers who opted for abortions and some very young parents whose lives seemed to dead-end with child rearing. I continued to vote Republican as I migrated to a self-description of "fiscally conservative, socially liberal." I figured I would vote with my wallet, and the social side would take care of itself, as they'll never overturn decisions like Roe v. Wade. I think many middle class people today fall into this category, and it seems to align more with a Libertarian view versus traditional Republican vs. Democrat lines.

After graduation, I was employed in a technology-driven job that afforded me the opportunity to travel the country widely from coast to coast, including some international destinations. I was married by then, with a young child, and my view of the world slowly started to change. I watched the debacle of our war-mongering in the Middle East and utter failure of our military-based answers. I noticed great disparities in the workforce, where no matter your personal drive and intelligence, if you were female or not white, upward movement was stifled at every turn. I was a benefactor of the privileged white male viewpoint through my entire life without ever realizing it. I had never spent the time contemplating how my life may not have been so easy if I were born female or of Hispanic or African decent. Each generation of my extended family seemed to be moving steadily up the ladder of success - but we all were given the middle class white opportunities.

My social circles expanded greatly when I was divorced later. At this point in my life, I met many people that fall into the category of "working poor." They had jobs, and worked hard. Some had gone to college to complete degrees they couldn't afford in their 20s. I met under-employed under-educated hard working people struggling to feed their children, embarrassed to admit they required government assistance just to keep their beat-down house and 20 year old rusted car. I watched the Middle East crumble further into decay and war because we dropped a bunch of bombs, killed a bunch of people, but didn't solve anything; we created a power vacuum that invited extremist viewpoints to take over entire countries. I met grown up homosexual people who were hampered in their strive to equal protection. They were happily committed to each other, but the government would not allow legal recognition of their love, making adoption harder, restricting spousal benefits such as health insurance, and so much more. I watched as supposed Christians pushed their views onto the rest of us in very non-Christian ways. And sadly, I've watched the US Republican party move farther and farther right, from fiscally conservative to downright greedy.

Today, I recognize my conservative viewpoint was motivated entirely by self-interest. Everything in the world was black and white. If a policy didn't afford me a better chance for future success, it was to be argued against. Keep my taxes low, screw the poor. Keep unions out, screw the laborers who didn't go to college. Keep hiring policies the same, screw equal opportunity for all. Keep the military funded to protect me and mine, screw the rest of the world.

More recently I have discovered Buddhism and the path of Dharma that teaches compassion for all living beings. Compassion for others is truly a key to ones own happiness and a peaceful mind. Conservative political policies are almost entirely diametrically opposed to treating others with compassion. They are driven by Ego, structured to ensure the rich get richer and the poor stay poor. Listen to any Republican politician speak today, and beneath the rhetoric all you hear is anger and unhappiness. They profess that they stand for individual rights, but in reality they stand only for personal gain. Every policy direction is governed by personal gain, from hiring practices and equal protection to environmental views and education. There's a mantra in high-end B2B sales that "greed is good." I disagree entirely. The result of these policies has lead to staggering income inequality, a pathetic educational system, buckling infrastructure, and anti-American views around the world.

I apologize unreservedly for every argument I've every had where I took a stand from my Ego and my personal gain. I was wrong. However, I have learned from those mistakes.

I am still privileged. I am a white male in a professional job that pays well. My kids will be able to attend any college they want. I have my own late model car and my own home in a safe neighborhood. But while my income is higher than its ever been, I give more of it away now than I ever have. I still encounter problems in my life, but I recognize they aren't really problems - they're events that may require unplanned tasks to navigate. Compared to the rest of the world, I have absolutely nothing to complain about. I look forward to the day when my kids are out of school and no longer dependent on me. That will hopefully allow me the opportunity to shed further my worldly possessions, minimize my footprint to having "just enough," and focus more strongly on humbly treating every living being with compassion in the hopes that they will find happiness and a peaceful mind.

I encounter suffering in my life. Many others are experiencing much greater suffering. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we were all free from suffering?

"The greatest wealth is to live content with little." -- Plato

"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion." -- Dalai Lama

Camping

I spent last weekend camping with a few hundred friends. Well, a dozen or so close friends. This event evolved from a summer house party years ago to a ticketed, organized party weekend, managed largely via a Facebook group and event. While everyone in the group has at least something in common, when you get 200 people together, there's going to be cliques and smaller groups - a social necessity.

Here are some various takeaways for me:

* I'm quickly getting too old to sleep on the ground. Even on an air mattress.

* It pays to go with a seasoned camper. I have tented many times, but not frequently, at least since college days. My tent-mate brought a mat for the front door - seems cheesy, but this kept grass from getting in the tent. It's little things like that I never think of and appreciate those who do.

* Everyone's experience is what they make of it. For me, this was a pretty relaxed weekend - time to cut loose, but not lose yourself. I've spent too much time and effort finding myself to lose myself! But for others, it's different. They may look at my weekend and think it was a huge waste - that I should have been partying it up more out in the main field. I'm sure those folks had fun doing their thing out there, but I was having my own fun doing my thing. Isn't that what it's all about?

* I met a very "not nice" man this weekend. I learned of his history - an obsessive relationship that landed him in jail - early on, and simply chose to avoid him even though their tent was relatively close. As Sunday evening wore on, those of us staying through Monday morning (a much smaller crowd) moved our cars closer to the tents for easy packing and escape in the morning. Most folks pulled cars unobtrusively as possible - but this guy jammed his truck right in the middle of a main path. I had to rearrange our chairs and coolers because it was so close. He came over and seemed to apologize for parking there and to offer to move - which is nice, but even though I didn't appreciate the location of his truck, I wouldn't make anyone move. But right after his first sentence, he went off about hearing that I wanted to fight over it because some other guy hanging with them (who I know, but don't care for, so avoid him as well) said I'd be upset. This took me aback. Neither one of those guys really knows me. At all. Even jovially, why approach a stranger confrontationally? I was confused, but told him the car was fine, and ignored whatever else he was saying. Not sure what the takeaway here really is. I've grown very open hearted and open minded. But there are people who are in such a bad place, it's plain not worth spending time with them.

* BDSM is not my thing. Some people in the group are very much into this, and took advantage of an isolated camping party to let loose. Some very good friends are into this scene, and it's a core part of their life and relationship. It's great they find joy and fulfillment in these activities, but it's not for me.

* Nature is cool. I could stare at the patterns in an uprooted tree for hours. What do you see?

* There were a few different people I could have camped with for the weekend. I went with a very close friend who is traveling a similar spiritual path. We certainly weren't connected at the hip the whole weekend, but having that kind of home base with you is a great thing. If I had made other options, the weekend would have been an entirely different experience. If I went with a more social person, we would surely have been in the main circles more often and seen a much different perspective. If I had gone with someone not in the group already, I would have been more social to make more introductions. It was a wonderful weekend, but I can't say I'm not curious about alternate possible paths.

* Zorb balls are fun - if you get the chance, do it. Although preferably as a human, not as a hamster whose owner stuffs you in one for their entertainment.

* Some people try too hard. I'm not a psychologist by any means, so there may be a term for this I don't know. But I see people like this all the time and ran across a few this weekend. They dress and act in ways that are meant to draw attention to themselves. But not just an attention-whore kind of way, more like in a manner that's less "look at me" and more "like me because I'm cool" kind of thing. Words are failing me here. It's like they need everyone to like them so they put on a different face - one that they think you want to see. Fake. Pretend. I can only imagine what it's like to be alone in their head. I'm not saying I'm above this - I clearly recall in my younger days putting on a facade to help protect my ego from uncomfortable situations. Recognizing this was, in fact, one of my first steps to finding myself again. I wish I could sit down with folks like this and tell them... I'm not sure. That everyone knows what they're doing and they just need to stop, find themselves, and just be themselves. Here and Now. To be so full of desire for attention and friendship can't be a healthy thing. Plus, when you're not being yourself, and you make a new friend, then you're stuck being who they thought you were, right? It's too much. Drop the ego and the insatiable need to be everyone's friend.

In sum, I had a great time. I met some new people, got to know some acquaintances better, and solidified bonds with existing friends. Even though it's early August, I feel like my summer is just kicking off - two beach trips the next couple weekends, and I finally have a base tan!

Jury Duty Spider

Serving jury duty in York County. I was sitting in the "waiting room" which is more like a big holding cell.

A spider was hanging down from the ceiling. I'm not a good judge, but it was a high ceiling with tiles and flouresent lights, maybe 18 feet? In a room seating 175-200 people, the spider hung close to directly above where I sat the yesterday morning. I'm the only one here with the vantage point to see it. If I draw attention to it, it's dead. But there, now, it's harmless. Is it happy? Or miserable and starving? After maybe a half hour, he made it back up his web thread to the ceiling! Now he's gone, probably back between the tiles.

 

The spider came back down later. I was checking periodically, but at distance he's difficult to see unless the light is reflecting just right. He surprised me when I spotted him again, down near head-level now. After a good bit of contemplation, I had to tell the gal in front of me about the spider. I couldn't just let it end up in her hair or something, so I tapped her on the shoulder and mentioned the spider. It took her a second to see him. Then she gasped a little, and then reached out and broke the thread. He fell to the floor, but I couldn't see him - the patterned carpet of gray and black and white is not conducive to spotting escaped spiders. Maybe he would live after all!

But then she stood up and smooshed him.

RIP little guy. Hope you had a happy life.