Yes, I'm sure I have more than two - but two struck me this past weekend. Thinking about your personal reactions to events, reflecting on how you didn't necessarily do the best thing, or that you don't have all the answers after all... these are humbling but necessary experiences.
#1 - A man with mental health issues.
A guy I didn't know showed up at my men's group meeting this Saturday, then Sunday he was at church for the regular service. I am not sure how to "deal" with this person. He admitted to having mental health issues. (I'm no expert, so cannot even fathom a guess or description, but in looking at him, you certainly get that feeling that something is "off" with him.) He's clearly troubled financially and in social situations. The Buddhist in me wants to treat him with respect and compassion, to ease his suffering if I can. But I couldn't bring myself to do that. There's something in me that simply does not trust this person, although I haven't been able to reconcile why. What this means is that I am very hesitant to engage him in any manner. It's quite possible I am in a position to help him out in some ways, such as directly financially or by giving him rides where he needs to be. But my help was not forthcoming, and it has been gnawing at me a bit.
Thinking about the trust aspect of this, it occurred to me that while Love can be unconditional, Trust must be earned. However, my actions this weekend (literally, I was avoiding any direct engagement with him) offered no pathway to building that trust or getting to know him personally. I feel strongly now that I want to make a personal resolution to at least talk to him the next time I see him. That's a start.
Countless beings suffer from metal illness. Many are much worse than this man. It would be wonderful if we were all free from mental illness.
#2 - A cynical teacher.
I have been chatting a lot with a friend about my hippie philosophy. She sees the merit in the path and is buying into the positive reinforcing cycle of a positive outlook on life. The conversations have been good, but one thread stuck out this weekend. She claimed that she is a "realist". I, personally, self-identify as a realist as well, although she seems to see me as an idealist in our philosophical discussions. I explained that I actually am a realist at heart. For example, I know that if I want to retire on a farm on a hill, it will take time, planning, and effort to get there. There's no Prince Charming out there who's just going to hand me a happy ever after.
She clarified with a couple of real-life examples as a grade school teacher. Abbreviated slightly, here are the examples:
a) Parents who sell their kid's ADHD medication so they can buy their own drugs
b) Some kids come to school hungry and dirty because their parents are drug addicts
c) One child always sleeps in class. His mother is a heroin addict who has turned to prostitution, and the child is up all night because men are coming in and out of the house at all hours.
The suffering caused by some parents towards their own children is unfathomable. Drug addicts simply are not capable of being responsible parents. That's obvious and unarguable.
My challenge is that I can wax philosophically about Love and present moment awareness ad nauseam. I do my best to live that philosophy as well. I have touched many minds while traveling this path, and I am honored that more than a few people have looked to me for answers or guidance at various times. But in this case, I had no response. Nothing to say beyond "that sucks".
What disheartened me about the conversation was my lack of words for her. How does one keep a positive attitude and weed out the negativity in their life when they're touched every day by some of the worst elements of our society? And clarify my wording, "cynical" is incorrect, but it fit well enough when I started writing this out. She's clearly not a cynic - you couldn't keep teaching public school in this country if you were.
I'm reminded now of my recent post on Compassion. That you can't stop warmongers from bombing Syria, but you can bring light to wherever you are. Start at the local level, and be that positive person in any room. Then let it rub off and spread. Maybe just add a little bit of light into that child's day of misery. Strive to be that teacher they think of 10 years from now as the one who never needlessly hassled them but instead treated them respect. Let the divine light in you see the divine light in others.
I don't know. I don't have the answers. I wish I did.
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