What follows is my current thinking on attachment with a concrete example. Consider you're planning for an Event. Maybe it's a family outing, or a party, or a trip - it really can be anything, tangible or intangible. For the sake of the example, let's just call it an Event. This hypothetical Event is scheduled for two weeks from now, and it seems like something you would really enjoy. Attachment or Desire can come in here a many different ways, all of which lead to suffering. Specifically, because this Event is something you really want to attend, you naturally look forward to it. You set expectations about how much you'll enjoy it. How do you feel, then, when the Event gets cancelled due to weather or illness? How will you feel if the Event is fun, but doesn't quite live up to your expectations? Or, even if it's great fun and goes off without a hitch, how do you feel when it's over?
Obviously the answer to all those questions is that you don't like it, and you're not happy. The root cause of your unhappiness is your Attachment to the Event. Not the event itself, or the people involved, or anything else - the cause internal to you.
What's the solution then? Like I've written here hundreds of times, it's straightforward: Be Here Now. The present moment is the only one that truly exists. How does this apply to our Event? It's fine to plan for a future experience you'd like to enjoy. Maybe the present moment entails doing some tasks around the planning, but you have to do with non-attachment. Make the calls, send the emails, buy the preparations for the Event, but do these as a current task to take care of. Nothing more. At this point, you've got an event that should bring you joy (why else would you go?) on the calendar, but you have to leave it at that. Then, if the event gets cancelled, the moment you hear of this, allow yourself to feel disappointed in that lack of future joy, but then move on. Similarly, because it's been planned, but not hyped up by your Ego, if you attend and it wasn't the greatest thing ever, you can still find joy in the company of others or in some small aspect of that day. And of course, if it turns out to be the greatest experience of your life, you've set yourself up to be alive and aware in that moment and bask in the momentary happiness. Then when it's over, you move on to the next task.
With this mindset, you're not setting yourself up for failure and suffering.
On to me personally, I can immediately think of three cases in the last week where I've set myself up for suffering. I kind of knew it at the time, but I enjoyed the feeling of excitement in planning and discussing two upcoming events - and I let myself get attached with Desire. Then came the news that both of these events may not occur the way I had hoped they would. And it leaves a hole, a gap. Thankfully, I'm far enough along this journey that I'm not going to try to fill that hole with alcohol or self-pity or blaming others. But it's still something I need to deal with because my Ego got the better of me. The third thing is actually my health. I have been eating better and exercising, and in hindsight, realized that I took my health for granted and became attached to the idea that "I'm a healthy guy". Then over the course of a couple days I came down with some nasty cold symptoms and also ended up severe shoulder pain. While my shoulder seems to have healed, my ribs ache and I feel raw from coughing for two days straight. I'm suddenly not a healthy guy, and I feel a strong desire to be healthy again. But I can't let a bruised Ego bring me down. Just do the next task, keep eating well, try to fit in some yoga and meditation, treat the symptoms, and I'll heal when I heal.
Living with non-attachment allows one to limit the suffering they experience. It's hard lesson for me, but sometimes I think it's good to be slapped around to remember what's important and get refocused on living in the present moment.
Before satori (enlightenment) you chop wood and carry water. After satori you chop wood and carry water. -- Zen Buddhist saying from Be Love Now.
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