I think I had a learning moment yesterday in a realization that slowly dawned on me last night while reading Hesse's Siddhartha in bed. This may be a long wordy post, and it may be a somewhat selfish way to organize my thoughts, but I think and hope my potential insights may be beneficial to others.
Background
I got involved in a FaceBook thread around whether or not the Confederate Flag (more accurately the Battle Flag of Virginia) is a racist symbol. I was quickly outnumbered in this thread with several people defending its use, using the history argument - that it's part of American history and is a symbol of Southern Heritage. My viewpoint is that this Southern Heritage is explicitly tied to racism, which many articles and videos support. It's even a clear conclusion from viewing the Wikipedia page.I approached the discussion from a rational viewpoint and carefully worded my posts as not to be argumentative. I gave the other participants the benefit of the doubt that they were arguing their position from a non-racist viewpoint. I did have my doubts about this, however. One participant's background image on his FB page looked like a shot from Duck Dynasty, with several bearded white men presenting their middle fingers in an aggressive manner. The person's page on which this thread appeared also showed strong Fox News-leaning tendencies as well, but I wouldn't have called him out on being a racist.
The thread went in strange directions. Many defensive links were posted, all with the same History argument. I pointed out that the swastika dates from neolithic times as a peaceful symbol (yeah, yeah Godwin's Law), but that no one in their right mind would every fly such a flag today. While historically a positive symbol, it was corrupted beyond repair by the Nazi Party. It's even illegal to fly it in Germany except in a museum setting. While nobody is suggesting outlawing the Confederate Flag, those flying it should recognize what a majority of people feel it represents.
Clearly we all disagreed and the discussion wasn't heading anywhere. We all seemed to be reaching a point where the thread had run its course (into a brick wall), and I was ready to let it die. I'm totally OK with not trying to have the last word in these kinds of debates, and it was time just to let it end.
The Escalation
And then my FB friend posted a fresh comment. This was a post shared from Fox News around President Obama's decision to allow private citizens to pay ransom without fear of prosecution. I am not well versed on this point, and I can see at least two sides to that issue. What grabbed my attention was my friend's commentary added to the posted link. It began "Our Muslim President has declared..." and then ranted about this decision.Right here, I stopped. I made a public comment on this new thread quoting his words and thanked him for letting me put his views on the Confederate Flag in perspective. He is clearly more racist than I had wanted to give him credit for. I don't have any interest in that level of bullshit on my FaceBook feed, or in Real Life, and promptly unfriended him.
He then decided to air this publicly, calling me out by name, which was quickly pointed out to me (after all, we still have many friends in common). Clearly misunderstanding my reason for the abrupt end to our conversation, he called me out on getting "all bent" because of History and Southern Pride. In order to clear this up for him concisely and to close the loop for myself, I messaged him privately letting him know the "Muslim President" comment shows me where he really stands on the flag debate. He has not replied, and I have not further investigated his public airing of his grievance against me. So this is the end, right?
The Aftermath
I found myself in bed, reading, but still thinking about this. If you've read other posts on this blog, or know me at all, I'm very much into the "Be Here Now" philosophy. The past is the past, and there's nothing productive in dwelling on might-have-beens or carrying around past negative events. Yet this exchange kept popping into my mind.If I was OK with everything I said (I still am - everything was backed up with facts, and I was not argumentative or mean in anything I said), why was this still with me? So I contemplated his side of the events. Was he sitting at home stewing and angry? I've seen and heard how he behaves, especially with alcohol involved, and I know there is a deep streak of anger in this man. I pictured him stewing in anger, feeling persecuted yet again. Maybe he is thinking of me, and pictures me similarly angry and still raving on this? With this thread still in my mind, am I? While contemplating this view, a new thought popped in my mind.
What if he's actually questioning himself? He claims he's not racist, then posts something literally racist. He was seemingly embarrassed enough by my response to on the second thread that he appears to have removed the whole thing. Maybe my pointing this out had some positive effect on him? That would be a great outcome from a pointless debate. Contemplating this, yet another angle came to mind.
The Learning Experience
Maybe he's not questioning anything. Maybe he is just sitting there angry. This, sadly, is the more likely path given my experiences with him. In this case, I've made him angry; I have caused suffering in another living being. Is this keeping me up because I'm ashamed of my actions? But I was trying to do the right thing here, trying to get people to understand the negative connotations associated with a symbol, trying to get them to see the other side of the story. And I'm still confident that I'm on the right side of this debate - history will show that. I was trying to help, and maybe, just maybe, I did.But... maybe I caused suffering for another living being. Where does that fall in Buddhist teachings? I know well enough that I cannot be the root cause of another's anger - that exists entirely in their mind. However, for one to experience the root delusion of anger, one needs to have an Object on which to exaggerate bad qualities or consider to be undesirable. What if you are that Object to someone else? Is there negative Karma associated with this?
I guess there is always risk in trying to do Good that you will fail. After all, we're all traveling through Samsara together, and if we didn't cause suffering in one another, the amount of suffering in the world may not be enough for us to learn any lessons. Regardless, my take-away here, at this stage in my journey, is learning for myself that what's good for me may not be good for all. I shall endeavor to tread more lightly down these slippery paths where rational debate becomes heated discussion, leading to anger and suffering for someone involved - on either side of the discussion. Once your subject becomes angry, you've lost the ability to teach them anything. If they're angry from the start, having a rational debate is meaningless.
"In a controversy the instant we feel anger we have already ceased striving for the truth, and have begun striving for ourselves." -- Buddha
1 comment:
UPDATE: I ran across this man in a social setting the other night. As we still run in a shared social circle, this was inevitable. While contemplating the situation more after I wrote this, I realized I was completely over it. I wasn't harboring any feelings of ill-will towards this man on a personal level, and I decided I would have to make that clear. I planned on approaching him once our paths crossed and acknowledging that I'm not holding a grudge, and that it would be great if we could move on.
He beat me to the punch. As we entered the party, numerous Hellos have to be said. It felt a little like a receiving line, as most people had been there an hour or longer before we arrived. While in a conversation shortly after arriving, he surprised me, showing up beside me with an outstretched hand. We exchanged "no grudge" comments, shook hands, and closed out that phase successfully. No further negative expressions arose later in the evening.
I am very happy to see that he is not bogged down by the anger that may have arisen from that day. I have made my personal peace in feeling regret for causing anger. I still fundamentally disagree with his world view, although I have to acknowledge that his viewpoint is not uncommon in this region of the country. I have learned that I must approach any conversations about core beliefs with more compassion and understanding if I am to attempt to change their minds. Seeding anger in them is never a solution.
Post a Comment